A couple of years after moving to France, I was having a conversation with my American friend, who was going to be visiting Paris in May. There were transportation strikes coming up, and she wanted to know whether she should change her travel dates to avoid getting stuck at the airport. As we talked, she made a comment about the French and their frequent strikes and protests. She couldn’t understand why they seemed so willing to disrupt everyone’s lives, including those of tourists who were coming to spend money in their country.
I could see why she would feel that way. Getting your train cancelled and having to change your plans because of a strike is not fun at all, but I found myself explaining how protests are an important part of French culture, and why the French feel so strongly about defending their social rights. As I was listening to myself talk, I suddenly became aware of what I was saying. A few years earlier, I probably would’ve agreed with her. I wouldn’t have understood the issue nearly as well, let alone been the one defending it. I remember laughing with her that perhaps I’d been in France too long. However, that moment has stayed with me throughout the years, as it was one of the first times that I really noticed that living here had changed the way I thought about France.
Growing Into a Different Version of Myself
I moved to Paris a few months before my 24th birthday; I’m now 50, so I’ve spent almost my entire adult life here. I grew up in a small rural town in the US, so being an American will always be a part of who I am, but so much of what has influenced me as an adult has happened in France.
When I was growing up, I had a very traditional view of what a successful life entailed. It included having a big house (the white picket fence wasn’t a requirement, though), a nice car, a family, and all the things that would tell people I had "made it" in life. It wasn’t necessarily what everyone around me wanted to do, mind you, but it was the life I thought I wanted.
Today, my life looks very different. I live in a small apartment in the centre of Paris, something I never would’ve pictured growing up in a tiny rural town. However, I’m happy here, and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything because I don’t own a big house and have the lifestyle that I thought I wanted as a kid. Over the years, I’ve come to realise what I value most in life is the quality of my relationships, the freedom to make decisions about my own life, and having people to share it with.
I don’t think the change happened just because I moved to France. But living in a different culture exposed me to people who had different priorities and values than what I’d grown up with, which allowed me to reflect on what I’d previously thought would make me happy in life.
Still American, Just Not in the Same Way Anymore
That’s not to say that living in France has overwritten or erased the American side of me.
I still celebrate Thanksgiving, even if it’s a much smaller occasion than it would’ve been back home. I’ll buy a turkey leg from the butcher’s, make some sweet potatoes and corn, and I’ll enjoy it all with a fresh baguette and a lovely glass of Pinot Noir. Occasionally, I’ll indulge in a rich, chocolate-layered Opéra dessert. It’s not exactly a traditional American Thanksgiving dinner, but it’s how I like to celebrate the holiday with both cultures I love.
I also appreciate the openness and friendliness that I’ve always associated with Americans. And now that I’m in the process of building a business, I find myself reconnecting with the ambition and "anything’s possible with hard work" attitude that I grew up around.
There are things that I appreciate about both cultures, and things that still frustrate me about both, but I don’t feel like I have to choose one over the other. France has influenced the way I think, what I value, and how I live my life. America is still a part of my past and my personality, but both are a part of me.
Belonging Without Becoming the Same
After 26 years, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I belong in France. I became a French citizen because I wanted to formalise the close bond I felt with the country and the culture, but that doesn’t mean that everyone I meet sees me as French. Some people will always see me as someone who came from somewhere else, and that’s perfectly fine with me. There was a time when I might’ve felt the need to explain or justify my place here. These days, I don’t spend much time worrying about whether someone else thinks I belong.
I know the life I’ve built for myself. I have people here who care about me, who look out for me, and who rely on me, just as I rely on them. I’m not just living in France and benefiting from what it offers; I’m actively participating in the life around me, contributing where I can, and building relationships that go both ways.
For me, that’s a big part of what belonging means. I don’t need to have grown up here or share every French opinion or behave exactly like someone who’s never lived anywhere else. I’ve spent 26 years building a life in this country, and that experience has become part of who I am.
I’m still American. I’m also French.
And I feel completely at home being both.
All photos courtesy of Theresa Dilick.
